My most recent contribution to the Maraoke video game karaoke songlist – first performed 13/12/2024.
The previous version of this song from 2017 was removed from the system for a while on the basis that the joke was too obscure (referencing as it does a TV show from almost 30 years ago).
This revised version features a fully rewritten third verse (which is easier to perform and more thematically coherent than the stream of consciousness wibble of the old version) and some other minor changes, and now makes use of the Maraoke system’s ability to show images and video during the song. (Thanks to Lupine for deploying this to the system at the last minute.)
Merry Christmas.
“The David Perry Incident (2024 Mix)”
– after “Lose Yourself” by Eminem
Look
If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it?
Or just let it slip?
Yo
His palms are sweaty,
knees weak, arms are heavy
Has Dominik upset him already?
David Perry
is nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
to grab coins, but he keeps on forgetting
the controls now, to bowl down Cool Cool Mount’n
He tries to turn ’round, but his plumber’s freaking out
He’s chokin’, wow, everybody’s jokin’ now
The clock’s run out, times up, over, blaow!
That’s Project Reality, yo
There’s no parity, nope
He’s not played Mario
Now he’s mad that he won’t
take back tha trophy so
He won’t have it he knows
That backstage he’s a joke
He’s not rattled he’s stoked
and that pad wasn’t broke
The Games Animal? Nope
Now he’s known as a dick
As he moans, “Actually –
N64 won’t be out till past January”
Keep going back to this moment
why can’t we move past it?
You better fool yourself with excuses
The truth is you’re useless
The web’ll never let it go (yo!)
You only had one shot, you flopped
Missed your chance at gold
Mid-afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You better fool yourself with excuses
The know that you boned it
The web’ll never let it go (yo!)
You only had one shot, you flopped
Missed your chance at gold
Mid-afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You better…
His reputation:
Lord of all British gaming
Games World was yours for the taking
Kirk Ewing
Falls off t’ward the second corner
Performance is appalling
But Perry’s tantrum throws the host’s boredom
He knows he’ll cause drama, knows that he’s gotta
Befo’ the show’s over uphold his old patter
Expose the shows flaws, they know he’s no importer
Owns the code, needs no Game Genie to master this role
he’s outclassed ’em
He’s known to blow those high scores with one quarter
But let’s-a-go ’cause here goes the cold water
He moans he’s no journo no mo’: He sells product
The true Dave Perry who rotoscopes nematodes and that’s not ‘im
And now that GamesMaster is old and not shown
but he still provokes laughter:
Not the Shiny one, the one with the bandana
You better fool yourself with excuses
The truth is you’re useless
The web’ll never let it go (yo!)
You only had one shot, you flopped
Missed your chance at gold
Mid-afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You better fool yourself with excuses
The know that you boned it
The web’ll never let it go (yo!)
You only had one shot, you flopped
Missed your chance at gold
Mid-afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You better…
No more fame
‘s an outrage, he’s been upstaged
Now he’s making videos ’bout bikini babes
He was plain at the beginning
His vibe’s all changed
He’s tattooed up, and bearded
A YouTube sage
But he kept writing, and kept an eye in at Street Fighter
Best believe next when you’re staying inside Brighton
Shoulda been hired for that revived pilot
Flanked by that Rab from VideoGaiden
“Why can’t I even slide the right way to wipe the smile
off the face of that damn disgraceful Dom Diamond?”
He won’t rest till he’s reclaimed his old title
Cause he’s wildlife!
And these games are so hard, and they’re getting even harder
Now he turns up on QVC (but! no bandana)
But come evening he’s got his N64 controller, Jolly Roger
Bay he’s on the way to Bowser soon but-
Cuz he’s been tryin’a play it a lot,
another year of luigi, his fluency,
at this point has kind of raised a notch
He’s mastered Big Boo’s Haunt, he’s speedrunning Tick Tock Clock
Success is besting e’ery fucker’s time on Dire, Dire Docks
“Dear Gamesmaster,” as they’d say to Patrick Moore
“I cannot progress my game I’m stuck”
So Mario was a shock, now geeks wail a lot
This must be the only YouTube video that they watch
You better fool yourself with excuses
The truth is you’re useless
The web’ll never let it go (yo!)
You only had one shot, you flopped
Missed your chance at gold
Mid-afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You better fool yourself with excuses
The know that you boned it
The web’ll never let it go (yo!)
You only had one shot, you flopped
Missed your chance at gold
Mid-afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You better…
Tags: David Perry, Dominik Diamond, Earthworm Jim, Eminem, game genie, games world, GamesMaster, karaoke, kirk ewing, Lose Yourself, maraoke, marioke, Nintendo 64, one life left, patrick moore, rewrite, robert florence, Shiny Entertainment, Super Mario 64, The Games Animal, videogaiden
