My name is Robin, and this is my website about computer games. Here you can find essays about old games, industry commentary, free games I've made for fun, and funny songs.

Some games I played in 2018
Posted at 01:12 on 11th January 2019 - permalink

I didn’t play a very wide variety of games last year: it was a pretty moribund year for big releases; most of my gaming time was dominated by three of the games listed below; and I don’t play a lot of new games per year in any case, not being a journalist, IGF judge, student with endless free time or whatever. But here’s a look back at ten memorable ones.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

The Nintendo Switch’s killer app is the only Zelda game that I’ve completed. It’s not perfect by any means (it’s padded out with too many copy-pasted battles on the overworld and ‘filler’ shrines, some puzzles are absurdly cryptic, there’s little depth in NPC’s stories and quests, and the difficulty scaling is as broken as Oblivion’s), but it shows up every other open world game for not advancing simulation-based gameplay.

Being able to solve problems by exploiting the physical and material properties of the world hasn’t felt so satisfying since the original Deus Ex. The shrines feel in places like the third Portal game we never saw. I assume we’ll be getting another Zelda before the end of the current hardware generation, which will hopefully address the weaknesses.

Fun fact: my run through the game was drawn out by at least a dozen hours by my not finding how to switch the radar back to detecting shrines. I also never used the lock-on and dodge combat moves.

No Man’s Sky Next

I’ve played No Man’s Sky pretty much continuously since launch, and am in the camp that believes that it was a good game even early on. (It’s very obvious looking back that some key features got delayed thanks to external pressure to crowbar in the original ‘Atlas’ quest line to give the game some semblence of a traditional structure.)

For the first month of NMS Next, I got to relive the aggravating “Playstation for Christmas but no memory card” experience, as I waited patiently for Hello Games to fix a bug which was preventing my ancient and bloated save file from loading. But eventually I was up and running again, and able to deep dive into building giant bases, visiting other players’ games and generally living the Gek life.

It feels like there have been some fairly big changes under the hood in Next, heavily optimising world rendering (at the expense of making it feel a little bit flimsier and glitchier) and making the game more modular so subsystems like base building, space stations, NPC structures, exotic worlds and underwater exploration can be fleshed out with loads of new components and creatures.

For a game that was initially criticised for not offering enough to do, it’s been turned around massively. Even now I more often than not encounter something new every session. (For example I recently discovered that crashed freighter missions have been reworked again, and there are loads and loads of exotic planet types now.)

One legacy feature that seems a bit odd now is that there’s such a clear delineation between player bases and NPC structures. I would hazard a guess that a future update will introduce lots more procedural buildings built with the base building kit.

Fun fact: I take lots of NMS screenshots but people were particularly taken with this one for some reason:

Tetris Effect

Eurogamer’s game of the year and quite right too. I can’t believe that people are grumbling about this game having a £34.99 SRP. You wouldn’t complain about a Napoleonic era chess set being “just chess”. The audiovisual experience wouldn’t work nearly as well built around a game that didn’t require full concentration in the way Tetris does. The ‘rap’ on the soundtrack is still completely ridiculous though.

Fun fact: Tetsuya Mizuguchi once blew up BAFTA’s PA system demoing Child of Eden.

Six Match

Aaron Steed has now made two of my favourite indie games: Red Rogue and this, which I dimly recall having seen (then called ‘Mandy Crush’) in the pub a few years back. It’s one of the most elegant puzzle game designs ever and it baffles me that it seems to have been overlooked while some other (pretty but quite pedestrian) mobile puzzlers have enjoyed flavour of the month status.

Six Match is a match-3 game (or ‘swapper’ as games publisher lingo now has it) where you control a character (not unlike Rogue’s @) who moves around the board by swapping with neighbouring pieces. Aside from coloured gems (well, tablets) there are a selection of other special pieces such as skulls, blocks, diamonds, bubbles, wild cards/pineapple rings and two types of bombs, each with their own rules.

The name refers to the fact that the player has exactly six turns (swaps) to make a new line (at which point the counter is reset) or it’s game over. The game’s genius is that it runs through every one of the 4,096 possible moves each turn and then indicates to the player whether they can successfully make a line. In practice, this means that a game that starts out as a fairly casual test of your attention eventually mutates into a fraught inch-by-inch advance through a string of almost Stephen’s Sausage Roll-difficulty puzzles.

There are three small things wrong with it: there’s a very rare bug where it doesn’t always resolve all the lines you’ve made in one pass; the animation of blocks falling eases in and out which isn’t how gravity works; and it’s life-ruiningly addictive. If you have a smartphone, it’s indispensible.

Fun fact: I am currently ranked #2 in the world on Game Center.

The Return of the Obra Dinn

I played through this in a couple of evenings with my flatmate. It works really well as a co-op game as it lets different people focus on different aspects of the mystery: physically investigating the scenes, unraveling character relationships, keeping tabs on the chronological thread of events, etc.

The 1-bit art is amazing, managing to make even complex scenes with many characters, explosions, rain and boiling seas readable, and never allowing the heavy stylisation to become a hindrance. It feels like a true successor to the Infocom games and early turn-based graphic adventures and treats the player like an adult. I’m not sure if I’d personally call it my game of the year but it’s a worthy choice many have made.

Fun fact: Lucas Pope also made the early-ish iOS game Helsing’s Fire. And something called Papers, Please, dunno about that one.


I was a massive fan of PuppyGames’s Droid Assault way back in 2008, and quite liked Revenge of the Titans. Then they seemed to go quiet for a long time, and it seemed for a while that Basingstoke, their first 3D game, would be trapped in development hell forever. It finally came out last year to resounding indifference from the games media. Which is frustrating, as it’s pretty great.

Basingstoke is a twin stick shooter / adventure / survival roguelike in their signature chunky cartoony style, set in the titular English town after an extra-terrestrial zombie outbreak. With a tip of the hat to Shaun of the Dead it mixes horror with kitchen sink mundanity – as you make your way across town from safehouse to safehouse you’ll scavenge household items and realistic amounts of pocket change, and use an extensive crafting system to make a variety of makeshift weapons like dartguns and flamethrowers.

You can throw sausage rolls as distractions, and even spike them with poison to make zombies vomit. Use fire extinguishers to blind zombies and force them back. You have to constantly worry about being seen and heard, and even the tiddliest enemies can easily swarm and eat you if you let your guard down at the wrong moment.

It’s one of the most stressful games I’ve played for many years – it’s almost too relentless once you’re a few levels in. But if you have decent reflexes and like a challenge it’s worth a punt.

Puyo Puyo Tetris

This game is a few years old but only got a Western release on the Switch relatively recently. For some inexplicable reason the entire story mode is voiced (with the English language actors putting in much more effort than they needed to, really) although annoyingly there’s no Japanese option.

It’s a solid implementation of both Puyo Puyo and Tetris (the latter having rather more responsive controls than Tetris Effect, in fact) but the highlight of the package is the Fusion mode which involves both kinds of playing pieces sharing the same well. This mode is tucked away near the end of the story mode and forces you to throw away your tried and tested strategies.

I have a sinking feeling that it’ll disappear from digital stores once Ubisoft’s distribution rights expire.


I have never played any MOBA, or Hearthstone, or Magic The Gathering, so I don’t really have any frame of reference for whether Artifact is a good version of this kind of thing or not, but I’ve enjoyed the few hours I have spent with it. I’m not sure that I have any compulsion to take it up as a hobby as its designers intend. It’s quick to learn and the production values are impressive.

I expect it’s going to go free-to-play soon and many long thinkpieces will be written about how this is a sign that it’s failing to find an audience, as opposed to being a completely routine and intentional stage in the product lifecycle of every online PC game released this decade.

Black Bird

In 2017 I spent most of the Christmas holidays engrossed in Super Mario Odyssey; this year it was Onion Games’s Black Bird. Black Bird is a wrap-around shooter (think Defender or Fantasy Zone) with a Victorian setting (sepia-toned graphics slathered in Irem-esque grit and grime) in which enemy waves spawn in time to the backing music, which is utterly preposterous and incredibly catchy opera with nonsense lyrics.

As the titular Black Bird, hatched from an egg formed from the body of a dead street urchin and sworn to hawk up firey doom on mankind, the player must lay waste to four distinct stages (a village/castle, a forest, a city and a futuristic factory) and fight four multistage bosses.

Completing the game unlocks ‘True Mode’, a harder remix with more enemies and bonuses and weirdness, where you can supposedly unlock lots of different story cutscenes and endings although I’ve not worked out how this system works yet and GameFAQs is disappointingly short of answers as of this writing.

Black Bird is a perfect example of a game that defines a limited scope and then massively over-delivers in polish, room for experimentation and sheer density of ideas within those constraints. It’s the best game opera since Oikospiel.

Fun fact: look out for a quite interesting old interview with the game’s director in the forthcoming Japansoft book from Bitmap Books.


Right at the end of the year I played Gris (“Greez”), an arty platformer from Spanish microstudio Nomada. Gris has no enemies and a very lightly branching/looping layout. It’s gently interactive, requiring a little bit of platforming competence and rewarding observation. It’s perfectly paced (“huge expanses of just dull running” – John Walker, wrong) and looks and sounds incredible. It reminded me a bit of Gorogoa in its exacting draughtsmanship, and a bit of slightly tacky 1970s European comics in its preoccupation with classical architecture and female statues.

It’s weakness is that it doesn’t have a lot to say or a character to care about, it’s ultimately decorative rather than a fully-rounded experience. It’s still worth playing just to see something so skillfully crafted – in terms of effortless style and cohesiveness it leaves ustwo, Playdead and even the mighty Amanita in the dust. (8/10)

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Merry Xmas Everybody”
Posted at 20:49 on 23rd December 2018 - permalink

My latest contribution to the Marioke video game karaoke songlist – first performed 14/12/2018.

This is actually the second version of this song on the database. There’s nothing (as far as I know) wrong with the previous version, I just forgot that it had been done before. Both versions can be requested during Marioke Christmas events. (The Christmas songs on the system are not available to request during the rest of the year.)

I’d never really paid attention to the original lyrics before – they’re actually kind of clever, what with the hidden title mention in the chorus and the triple pun in the last verse. Or perhaps listening to it over and over in the process of writing this has done something to my brain. Merry Xmas!

“Merry X͠m̵a̴s Ev̩̯̳̖er̭̝̰̘̮̭ͅỵ̙̼͖̻́b̻̻͇̺͓͜o͖̻͠ḓ̺̙͖ͅy̫̙̞̠”
– after “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade

Has your character got stuck inside a wall?
Do your goalie’s hands just pass right through the ball?
Do you find you’ve not the same gear
That you had when you last saved?
Do the NPCs keep standing in your way?

Our README lists many glitches
Of which those are only some
Patch them in future, now
It’s only version one

Your companion’s just a floating pair of eyes
You fell through the world and now you’re trapped outside
Did you find the key this lock fits?
Did you lock it in this chest?
Did you shoot the man who sent you on this quest?

We released with many glitches
Of which those are only some
Patch them in future, now
It’s only version one

What are you gonna do? You just keep on buying these buggy Elder Scrolls
A – A – A

Are you firing your shotgun through the wall?
Are you using a cheat code to catch ’em all?
Are you filling your invent’ry
With the duplicates you’ve made
Do you wonder how this made it through QA?

Our README lists many glitches
Of which those are only some
Patch them in future, now
It’s only version one

So here we’ll list many glitches
Of which those are only some
Patch them in future, now
It’s only version one

This game consists of mainly glitches
Shipped out long ‘fore it was done
Who thought releasing now
Was a good decision?

Here’s who it is: Randy Pitchford
And the game is Aliens:
Co-lo-ni-al Marines
It isn’t any fun

More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Live And Let Die”
Posted at 19:30 on 23rd September 2018 - permalink

My latest contribution to the Marioke video game karaoke songlist – first performed 21/09/2018.

The joke here relies on the knowledge that Capcom originally released Final Fight for the SNES with only two of the three playable characters from the coin-op.

“Eliminate Guy”
– after “Live And Let Die” by Wings

When you’re Capcom, and SNES carts
Sold for 80 bucks
You’d port your games to 16-bit
(You know you did)
(You know you did)
(You know you did)
But when there’s only so much ROM
For them to fit in
They’d still give it a try

Eliminate Guy
(Eliminate Guy)
Eliminate Guy
(Eliminate Guy)


“Cody and Haggar’ll do, yeah?”
When you hit that launch window, you know it’s gonna sell
They couldn’t fit the other guy as well


You used to play on 16-bit
(You know you did)
(You know you did)
(You know you did)
But till you sold it us again
With Cody missing
Named it Final Fight Guy

Eliminate Guy
(Eliminate Guy)
Eliminate Guy
(Eliminate Guy)

More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Metroid Prime 4: Fantasy Pitch
Posted at 23:14 on 20th August 2018 - permalink

We now know that Metroid Prime 4 is coming at some point in the lifetime of the Nintendo Switch. The as-yet-unannounced developers have big shoes to fill: the interval between Metroid Prime 3 and 4 will be longer even than the one between Super Metroid and Metroid Prime.

While the Switch is a substantially more powerful platform than the Gamecube or Wii, it’s hard to imagine the new game having the same epoch-shattering impact Metroid Prime did in 2002. Now players are spoiled for choice for sprawling, rich fantasy worlds to explore, what can still be done to surprise them?

Even before the announcement, I’d thought a lot over the years about how the Prime series could be revisited in the light of subsequent developments in technology and design trends. While I wait for the call from Shigeru Miyamoto, I’ve jotted some ideas down here.

What works

First off, I don’t think the Prime series needs to dramatically pivot in the way games like Breath of the Wild or Resident Evil 4 called a reset on their respective franchises. The view should still be first person, the world should still be relatively small and dense, and the player character should still be Samus Aran, alone in a remote alien environment with the minimum of friendly NPC encounters.

There are some established expectations of what a Metroid game should be, both thematically and mechanically. Quite a lot of the appeal of the series is that it’s such an out-of-character thing for Nintendo to make. The series’s aesthetic takes cues from Alien as well as pulpy horror comics, and it was successfully marketed to seem timeless and exotic.

From my first glancing encounter with the series (when a school friend bought Super Metroid), I got the impression of being privy to something momentous – the oversized box, and the ponderous (subtitled!) intro sequence, and the promise of a sprawling world all diverging from the console game norms we’d understood up to that point.

When Metroid Prime came along it used the change in viewpoint to really thoroughly explore the feeling of being a foreign entity intruding into a lethally hostile ecosystem with only a thin shell of metal and glass protecting you. (This theme is referenced right away in the electron microscope images on the title screen, and Retro only get more confident from there.)

It went to great pains to not break immersion (only leaving the first person view for brief establishing cutscenes) and constantly used small animations and effects to remind the player that Samus is physically present in the world (from reflections and condensation on the visor, to displaced leaves and pollen, to idle animations such as Samus holding out her palm to feel raindrops).

But we can’t just remake Metroid Prime (although if Nintendo did, I’d definitely buy it). If we’re keeping what works, we need to give Samus a new interesting challenge to face, and new themes to explore.


Retro Studios already covered a lot of the stock adventure game clichés in their trilogy – ice and lava worlds, light and dark worlds, giving the hero an evil twin and a life-sapping (but ability-granting) curse. But we don’t have to resort to Nintendo’s favoured tactic of coming up with hyper-specific themes (e.g. coffee, emotions, wool, hats) for late entries in a series just yet.

There was a minor enemy in Metroid Prime 2 (the rezbit – used perhaps only once or twice in the whole game) that could attack Samus by crashing her cybernetic suit’s computer, requiring the player to ‘reboot’ it to be able to see again.

A cute throwaway Robocop-esque gimmick, but it made me think that this could be the key to doing something new with Metroid Prime’s situation: have Samus face off against an alien species that can ‘ghost hack’ her suit’s systems. Samus’s suit has always been a dependable constant in the series – having to be wary of it being breached (perhaps having to actively maintain its integrity?) would add a new level of tension.

The player could then use the tools at their disposal (visors, beams and environment traversal) to reveal misleading sensory data, both to find secrets and to advance the game. As the game progresses there would be an escalating arms race in Samus’s puzzle solving ability and the level of cunning used by the enemy to cover their tracks. (This would also provide an excuse if needed to take the adventure to more abstract locations, if the enemy eventually resorts to creating wholly illusory environments – plundering Samus’s memories perhaps?)

It would require some care to stop the unreliable inputs from being frustrating and confusing for the player – perhaps these sequences would be used sparingly and signposted for players paying attention. When designing the puzzles it should also be kept in mind that this isn’t intended to be a ‘sanity’ mechanic as seen in some survival horror games.

(Another somewhat meta idea – which I don’t think Nintendo would allow, sadly – would be for the game to detect when the player is taking screenshots of puzzle solutions etc. and doctoring the screenshot output.)


It would also be nice to see the game take a more simulation-based approach in the light of Breath of the Wild’s success at giving the player multiple routes to beat many of its puzzles and battles by exploiting the physical properties of objects in the world. A voxel- and material-based environment would open up a huge possibility space for new puzzles and situations. (And because individual rooms tend to be relatively small, a manageable CPU – and QA testing – overhead.)

Using the Switch’s gyro aiming we could finally deliver on the promise of motion controls (which seemed to start to be going somewhere with Half Life 2’s Gravity Gun, and then various Wii and Playstation Move experiments, but of late seems to be confined to VR games like Media Molecule’s Dreams).

The first person view would give us more fine-grained control than the rather clumsy end effectors of the Slate powers in BOTW. Prime 3’s motion control implementation never really got the attention it deserved at the time – early on in the game it tended to be gimmicky but later it allowed for some brilliantly immersive sequences, and would be a good foundation to build upon.

The beams collected over the course of the adventure could open up new systemic ways to manipulate the world, rather than being a red key for red doors.

We could for example have a filament beam that cuts through soft materials but wraps around dense materials, which could be used to build temporary ‘spiderweb’ walkways and barriers, or charge up mechanisms like a whip and top. Coupled with Samus’s locking on and strafing around enemies this could lead to lots of variations on ‘snow speeder vs. AT-AT’ tactics.

Or perhaps a microwave beam that passes through certain materials but heats up or excites (or disintegrates) others? Or a concrete extrusion beam that lets the player fill negative space with expanding foam (a bit like the terrain manipulator in No Man’s Sky), allowing the construction of dams, bridges, keys, traps or other oversized tools by using parts of the environment as moulds. You could even use the other beams to carve up the sculpting material.

The only limitation Metroid Prime’s conventions place on these ideas is that each beam needs to be effective as a weapon as well as a special purpose tool, but this is hardly an insurmountable problem.


It would also be important (particularly after such a long hiatus) for the opening stretch of the game to be memorable. Like, Naughty Dog, ‘throwing bushels of money at the screen’ memorable.

Retro Studios stunned naysayers with the extended prologue sequence in Prime 1, and I hardly need to explain the impact of the Super Metroid’s opening, echoed consciously or not in the intros of dozens of indie passion projects two decades later.

It’s probably wildly overindulgent, but the opening I’d pitch for the new game would be to drop straight (cold open) into a hyper-bombastic, over the top ‘Saturday morning cartoon’ action sequence, with a Smash Bros. styled Samus (over the course of a few minutes) crash landing on a weird jungle planet, fighting through a Space Pirate facility/ancient temple, stealing a ludicrously overpowered MacGuffin and escaping as everything collapses and explodes.

Then just as we’ve seemingly confirmed that Nintendo don’t know what to do with Metroid and are making it into a sugary Uncharted-esque action game, we pull back and reveal that everything up to this point has been kid Samus playing at being a bounty hunter.

(I’ve thought of an elegant way to frame this reveal, that would melt a hundred Twitch streamers’ faces off, but this post is getting long enough already.)

In this way the player would be wrong-footed and introduced to the overarching theme of whether they can trust their perceptions. Such a ‘twist’ would of course be spoiled all over the internet within minutes, but collective efforts not to spoil films until they’ve been out for a while, plus the fact that the massive divergence of the modern games audience means even ‘tentpole’ Nintendo releases don’t dominate the conversation for weeks in the way e.g. Halo, Half Life and Quake did, give me some hope that at least some players would want to try to go into the game blind.

The second half of the prologue could then show (through time shifted jump cuts, still under the player’s control) Samus’s origin story more or less as told in the official manga – Space Pirates (led by Ridley) destroy the mining colony where Samus grew up, and she alone is saved by the Chozo and trained and augmented to be a bounty hunter. This could be told with minimal dialogue, and emphasis on the young Samus’s lack of agency being the motivation for hunting the Space Pirates in adulthood. (Yeah, Samus is basically Space Batman.)

The above is perhaps a lot to wade through before we get to the story (and actual peril) ‘proper’, but seeing as the Metroid Prime games have gotten away with the motivation of ‘respond to this distress call’ or similar it could perhaps work. The prologue would be a success if players play through it again after knowing the ‘twist’ to spot details they missed the first time.

The main game world would presumably once again take the ‘Crystal Maze’ approach of a handful of discrete themed zones (with lots of backtracking), and the bump in technology gives us endless possibilities of new things to try here:

1. A zero-G orbital space station that can be reconfigured (perhaps by making improvised hacks using the beam tools) – with lots of morph ball/spider ball exploration.

2. A boss that you have to capture alive, setting up traps and constructions in the surrounding area to lead it to a containment pit.

3. More and richer organic environments in general. Even with the rudimentary technology of the time these were by far the most visually interesting parts of the original trilogy. Let’s see jungles, coral reefs and cave networks.

So that would be my approach, or at least the equipment I’d pack and the bearings I’d set off to follow: a more simulation-based (and probably less relentlessly combat focused – easing off on the Chozo ghosts and boss bottlenecks at least), reality-bending 2019 retooling of the Prime trilogy.

It would also be vitally important (and here I hope the real Metroid Prime 4 devs agree) to have distinctive art direction, from someone of the calibre of Andrew Jones or Kenneth Scott. The Switch hardware may preclude the game from being as technically mindblowing as the likes of Horizon Zero Dawn, but the art style should at least be immediately recognisable even from screenshots.

And finally, and perhaps most importantly of all, I hope we’re not going to be seeing a return of the voiced NPCs / cowering scientists / comic relief rival bounty hunters from Prime 3. I skimmed some Let’s Plays to refresh my memory when writing this and I’d forgotten just how horrendously they shatter the mysterious tone of the series up to that point.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

“Kiss From A Rose”
Posted at 17:14 on 12th August 2018 - permalink

My latest contribution to the Marioke video game karaoke songlist – first performed by Beck Michalak on 10/08/2018.

The version live on the system has a couple of line edits to better fit the tricky timing of the verses. Altered Beast is a bad game.

“Altered Beast”
– after “Kiss From A Rose” by Seal

They may have said in Sega Power it’s not very deep
You’d complain, but why when you got it for free
Ugly game, we’d shrug but they’re buying it still
And yeah we know, uh that it blows
Those sprites were so large of a size that we had rarely seen

Sega! You transformed me to a beast when I rose from the grave
Ooh, the more I play of you the stranger it feels, yeah
Now that you rose from your tomb
“Welcome to your doom” I will say

There are so many things you can turn into, the longer you play
You became a tiger, a dragon, a bear
Hades has cursed me with a strange affliction so I’ll never die
Won’t you drop a glowing health for me?
With one of those, yeah then I’ll grow
My thighs become large and I’ll piledrive you right off the screen

Sega! You transformed me to a beast when I rose from the grave
Ooh, the more I play of you the stranger it feels, yeah (yeah)
Now that you rose from your tomb
“Welcome to your doom” I will say


Altered Beast when you rose from your grave
Altered Beast when you rose from your grave
And if I should fall please insert coin to play
Altered Beast when you rose from your grave

The Mega Drive should be remembered for much better games
You can play my Harrier, my Hedgehog, my Rage
To me the sequel to Shinobi, even, was a better buy
At least then you can be stealthy baby
But to dethrone Mario
This guy’s their best chance until Sonic arrives on the scene

Sega! You transformed me to a beast when I rose from the grave
Ooh, the more I play of you the stranger it feels, yeah
Now that you rose from your tomb
“Welcome to your doom” I will say

Sega! You transformed me to a beast when I rose from the grave
Ooh, the more I play of you the stranger it feels, yeah
Now that you rose from your tomb
“Welcome to your doom” I will say

Now that you rose from your tomb
“Welcome to your doom” I will say

More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

“If I Could Turn Back Time”
Posted at 18:06 on 14th July 2018 - permalink

My latest contribution to the Marioke video game karaoke songlist – first performed by Viv Schwarz on 13/07/2018.

“If I Could Turn Back Time”
– after “If I Could Turn Back Time” (Diane Warren) as recorded by Cher

If I could turn back time
If I could climb that way
Then your platforming nerves would desert you
And you’d play

I don’t know where they’ve got the princess hid
I don’t know why the Vizier wants me dead
I’ve got this knife that can make time rewind
Guards have got weapons, they wound sometimes

I just pressed X instead of circle
Rewind and have another go
I know with one more try, oh baby

If I could turn back time
If I could climb that way
Then your platforming nerves would desert you
And you’d play

If I could swing from bars
Ledge grab and wall jump too
Then you’d load me, load me, on your PS2
(If I could turn back time)

My bones were shattered I was torn apart
But I’ve a magic knife and now I’m
Back at the start
Ubi made three more, got bored and then didn’t care
Now they just put Assassin’s Creed everywhere

Nobody else used this mechanic
At least until Braid came along
Reboot me one more time, and darling

If I could turn back time
If I could climb that way
Then your platforming nerves would desert you
And you’d play

My movie needs a star
Jake Gyllenhall will do
Earned back money, money, don’t read the reviews

If I could turn back time (If I could turn back time)
If I could turn back time (If I could turn back time)

We know that you made Karateka
The Last Express was good, I know
We want the Persian guy (but oh)

If I could turn back time
If I could climb that way
Then your platforming nerves would desert you

If I could reach those bars
And not fall to my doom
Then you’d love me, love me, like on Apple ][

If I could turn back time (turn back time)
If I could climb that way (climb that way)
Then maybe maybe maybe you’d play

More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Are Valve the baddies?
Posted at 23:27 on 9th June 2018 - permalink

Valve have made an announcement about their review policy for the Steam store.

This has resulted in several extremely angry editorials from the games press, who have (perhaps reasonably) interpreted this to mean that Valve intend to take an almost completely hands-off approach to moderating their platform, in the style of leading internet hellholes Reddit or YouTube.

Some developers have tabled the contrasting view that censorship inherently chills creative expression – it shouldn’t have ever been Walmart’s job to be the morality police when it comes to stocking games and the same principle applies here. (For the benefit of the terrifying number of journos who’ve seemingly never questioned this: The present situation where a narrow band of subject matter is seen as safe for mainstream titles isn’t simply down to developers being unimaginative, or the whims of the free market, so much as to the 1990s US industry collectively deciding to shut any remotely challenging ‘adult’ content out of retail stores to avoid statutory regulation. The Comics Code, basically.)

This is a complicated topic. I think that Steam should exist as a pipeline – a thin layer of technology facilitating billing and distribution that can be freely used by anyone within the bounds of the law and societal norms. I don’t think the Steam store (versus local library management tools etc.) should exist in a weird proprietary client, and the front page of the store should be massively deprioritised as an entry point / bottleneck into their catalogue. As such, removing any part of the system that’s geared towards Steam acting as a gatekeeper or destination in its own right is a positive step.

On the other hand, we have to weigh up the reality that Steam is a monopoly, and as such shoulders a social responsibility beyond that which might apply for a smaller service provider in a truly competitive market. Its every action (or inaction) can have unforeseen and serious repercussions. Shrugging and pointing out that technically they’re not to blame when kids are exposed to bigotry through their store is a weak excuse. (YouTube could do well to learn this lesson also.)

The maddeningly ill-defined rejection criteria of anything “illegal or straight up trolling” should cover a lot of the indefensible stuff that certain journalists have assumed Valve must now endorse (and early indications are positive).

Valve’s best course of action would be to acknowledge the negative reaction to their announcement and publish a revised and clearer policy. I don’t think (mostly) recusing themselves from the content review process is going to cause their store to descend into chaos overnight, and changes to how content is organised and filtered should be in place well before that. It would be foolish to believe a company automatically endorses the message of every product they sell in their store.

Bonus miscellaneous observations:

Valve are really bad at communicating.

It would be hard to imagine Microsoft, Google, Apple or any other billion dollar tech company making such an important announcement in such vague, informal language.

Making an equivalence between the harm caused by hate speech being targeted at a vulnerable group and the ‘harm’ (mild petulant annoyance) experienced by a bored kid on seeing “shovelware” sullying the shelves of ‘their’ store is astoundingly tone deaf. The latter concern doesn’t warrant serious attention and should have been left out of this blog post.

Valve as an organisation seem to have never developed the skills at dealing with the disparate needs of their player community. They will always advocate an engineering solution first (here hinting at a keyword tagging system to automate content filtering) rather than taking the scarier, messier approach of reaching out to their users and trying to intelligently determine what would make the most positive difference. Harm being caused in society at large by hateful material being normalised won’t show up on a sales chart.

Some people have a really weird idea of what getting a game onto Steam should mean.

Steam has been around a long time, but Valve ran it as a distribution platform – to put this, uh, diplomatically – very very very suboptimally for most of its life to date, leading to the widespread misconception that having a game grace their store shelves should be some kind of exceptional value judgement, rather than something that happened infrequently because their process was terrible.

Steam is a shop, like Amazon. It has unlimited shelf space. A creator having their work accepted onto it should be the norm, not the exception. The situation where any game that was added to its catalogue was given a period of exposure (free marketing) by dint of how slowly new content was ingested by Valve was a temporary quirk, not a right every game released was entitled to forevermore.

As with the iOS App Store (or Amazon, or the PC ecosystem in general), a rising tide of low quality / uninteresting content will never overwhelm the attention available for good quality content. Distrust anyone who tries to make you angry about this imaginary boogeyman. Making and selling games is being democratised and not everything has to appeal to every player or gauge its success by the same criteria any more.

Valve’s monopoly is the problem, not how they choose to govern it.

The games press and community have a feudal mindset, quickly and eagerly pledging fealty to any corporate overlord who offers them even a scrap of comfort and convenience. Many gamers still view Nintendo’s grossly anticompetitive 1980s business practices as a noble effort to fend off the spectre of a Second Video Game Crash. Xbox Live is regarded as a bold innovation, rather than as a vendor lock in strategy that has resulted in console online services still not interoperating nearly two decades later. So of course because Steam is convenient and ubiquitous, it must be benevolent and there’s no reason to question its market dominance.

We should be asking why one company is getting to decide what gets to be commercially viable on the PC rather than petitioning them to build taller walls around their garden. Applying the ultra-strict App Store / Google Play / XBL / PSN etc. review policies to the PC would be unworkable in any case – the PC is a much too broad and adaptable a platform for a one-size-fits-all policy.

While Steam has no serious competition, Valve will be slow to fix the (many) things wrong with it. I don’t think anything is going to directly usurp Steam any time soon, but it would be nice to see other stores become established with a more narrow focus, much as Netflix, BBC, HBO etc. offer different kinds of experiences. Buy more games on itch.io, Kartridge, etc. and politely ask your favourite PC developers that only sell through Steam to offer their games elsewhere too.

Tags: , , , , ,

“Another Day In Paradise”
Posted at 21:24 on - permalink

My latest contribution to the Marioke video game karaoke songlist – first performed 08/06/2018.

We didn’t have enough (or possibly any?) songs specifically about Shinji Mikami’s masterpiece, so this was an attempt to correct that oversight.

“Villagers with Parasites”
– after “Another Day In Paradise” by Phil Collins

They call out to Leon Kennedy
Señor, can you help me?
We’re told the intruder we seek
Has blonde hair and looks healthy

A bell gongs, stops their attack
He can sense that he’s near her
There’s a castle at the end of the street
They perhaps took Ashley there?

Oh, shoot twice, cause it’s the only way to neutralise the parasites
Oh, shoot twice, headshots alone will not subdue
Villagers with parasites

He’s not a zombie

He calls out to Leon Kennedy
On whom he has been spying
He’s got ballistics in the folds of his sleeves
He asks what are ya buying?

Oh, click buy, you’ve saved up all your loot to get that Broken Butterfly
Go through twice, Chicago Typewriter cuts through
Villagers with parasites

Now that’s a weapon

Oh lord
Where on Earth is everyone going? Bingo?
O-o-oh lord
They’ve got me fighting El Gigante

You can tell from the spines in his face
He’s a regenerator
Running out of room in your attache case
Cause you’ll need these guns later

Oh, shoot twice, cause it’s the only way to neutralise the parasites
Oh, shoot twice, headshots alone will not subdue
Villagers with parasites

Mm – hmm

Un forastero

Cause it’s the only way, to neutralise, the parasites
Cause it’s the only way, to neutralise, the parasites
(Para, parasites)


More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , , ,

“Stand By Your Man”
Posted at 18:26 on 11th March 2018 - permalink

My latest contribution to the Marioke video game karaoke songlist – first performed by Aubrey Hesselgren and myself 09/03/2018.

One that’s been hanging around in my partially completed songs folder for years now.

“Samus Aran”
– after “Stand By Your Man” by Tammy Wynette & Billy Sherrill

Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman
With an arm cannon and just one hand
You’ll hunt reptiles
That hurl projectiles
Tryin’ to upset this hunter’s plans

But while the Mother Brain’s still living
You still have your orders from command
Metroids may leech you, but we beseech you
They’ve got weak points, if you’d just scan

Samus Aran
Your spider ball will cling to
The cavern walls you bomb through
To get to Meta Ridley

Samus Aran
Have you been sequence breaking?
You’re not supposed to but you can
Samus Aran

Samus Aran
Till you removed your helmet
Gamers assumed you were a man
Samus Aran

More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Season’s Greetings 2017
Posted at 16:52 on 24th December 2017 - permalink

For the second year running, Marioke have made a Christmas charity video, this year in support of GamesAid. You might spot me in a few places in the video, among lots of games industry folks who contributed.

Please share the video and donate if you like. Merry Christmas!

Tags: , , , ,

“Lose Yourself”
Posted at 21:16 on 12th November 2017 - permalink

The second of two new Marioke video game karaoke songs of mine to debut this month – first performed 10/11/2017.


“The David Perry Incident”
– after “Lose Yourself” by Eminem

If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it?
Or just let it slip?
His palms are sweaty,
knees weak, arms are heavy
Has Dominik upset him already?
David Perry
is nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
to grab coins, but he keeps on forgetting
the controls now, to bowl down, Cool Cool Mount’n
He tries to turn ’round, but his plumber’s freaking out
He’s chokin’, wow, everybody’s jokin’ now
The clocks run out, times up, over, blaow!
That’s Project Reality, yo
There’s no parity no
he’s not played Mario
now he’s mad that he won’t
take back that trophy so
he won’t have it he knows
that backstage he’s a joke
he’s not rattled he’s stoked
and that pad wasn’t broke
the Games Animal? nope
just some sap as he moans and goes actually
“N64 won’t be out till past January”
Keep going back to this moment
Why won’t we move past it?

You better fool yourself with excuses, the truth is,
you’re useless, the web’ll never let it go
You only had one shot, you flopped, missed your chance at gold
Mid afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You better fool yourself with excuses, the truth is,
you’re useless, the web’ll never let it go
You only had one shot, you flopped, missed your chance at gold
Mid afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You’d better …

His reputation, lord of all British gaming
Games World was yours for the taking
Kirk Ewing
falls off toward the second corner
Performance is appalling,
but Perry’s tantrum throws the host’s boredom
Knows he’ll cause drama, knows that he’s gotta
Before the show’s over, uphold his old patter
Expose the show’s flaws, they know he’s no importer
Most KOs, battles he flows and knows that he’ll wipe floors with E Honda
He’s known to blow those high scores with one quarter
But let’s-a-go ’cause here goes the cold water
He moans he’s no journo no mo’ he sells product
The true Dave Perry who rotoscopes nematodes and that’s not ‘im
Now that GamesMaster, is old and not shown, but he still provokes laughter,
Not the Shiny one, the one with the bandana

You better fool yourself with excuses, the truth is,
you’re useless, the web’ll never let it go
You only had one shot, you flopped, missed your chance at gold
Mid afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You better fool yourself with excuses, the truth is,
you’re useless, the web’ll never let it go
You only had one shot, you flopped, missed your chance at gold
Mid afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You’d better …

No more games on my TV since the old days
Scotsman spouting innuendo while two kids played
It was never about the winning, just being on stage
On a real channel it went out, not viewed on Dave
Thursday tea time we’d set aside to get hyped for
Dean Gaffney being pulverized at Street Fighter
Andy Crane on the other side beside Violet
Hoping perhaps that we would catch sight of
Fly games that weren’t yet out on this side of
Akibahara oh man cause God damn I am still on dialup
Most of our news came from Digitiser
This was our life and these games are so hard
and they’re getting even harder, trying to one-credit Silpheed plus
beat Dishonored, Catch-’em-all, avenge your father, rescue Sarah Connor
Cooking Mama, Amidar – you know it’s too much
For me to even play or keep up, give a damn or not,
If I’ve gotta be Goro or unlock Noob Saibot
So Patrick tell you what, I’ve been playing a lot
Progress the only entertaining option, failure’s not
Son we’re sorry every game cannot be Souls, ’cause at 8 years old that was all we got
So here we go it’s your shot
Dean fail me not
This may be the only Cuphead video that I watch

You better fool yourself with excuses, the truth is,
you’re useless, the web’ll never let it go
You only had one shot, you flopped, missed your chance at gold
Mid afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo
You better fool yourself with excuses, the truth is,
you’re useless, the web’ll never let it go
You only had one shot, you flopped, missed your chance at gold
Mid afternoon TV comes once in a lifetime, yo

More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

“The Riddle”
Posted at 21:16 on - permalink

The first of two new Marioke video game karaoke songs of mine to debut this month – first performed by @MazHem_ 10/11/2017.

Thimbleweed Park is a neo-retro graphic adventure game by the creators of Maniac Mansion. If you liked Maniac Mansion and the first two Monkey Island games you’ll definitely get a kick out of it. As with the SCUMM games, Thimbleweed was made by a tiny team with the minimum of external interference, and is a very personal, precisely crafted work as a result. The mid-1980s setting begged the choice of song.

“Thimbleweed Park”
– after “The Riddle” by Nik Kershaw

Back at LucasArts
Maniac Mansion and
Monkey Island one and two
Were his, so we’ll kickstart
Ron Gilbert’s new adventure game
Now let’s play

A body by a river
Near the old Thimble town
Where two FBI agents
and a nerd and a clown
Hope to find out the reason
By the end of the night
But adventure game puzzles
Can take long to get right
And we’ll never use a guide for a clue

We’ll break into the
Old pillow factory
Send Reyes ahead of me
I keep on finding specks of dust
Those signals are strong tonight
Where to find a vacuum tube?

Though reluctantly
Ransome the Insult Clown
Will help Dolores out
So they can solve the mystery
Meanwhile old Franklin is a ghost
Why? Who knows

A body by a river
Near the old Thimble town
Where two FBI agents
and a nerd and a clown
Hope to find out the reason
By the end of the night
But adventure game puzzles
Can take long to get right
And we’ll never use a guide for a clue

It’s got tentacles
Sprites from the Commodore
Creator cameos
The hot dogs there will make you ill
Find me a thimbleberry pie
How we’ve tried


A body by a river
Near the old Thimble town
Where two FBI agents
and a nerd and a clown
Hope to find out the reason
By the end of the night
But adventure game puzzles
Can take long to get right
And we’ll never use a guide –

PICK UP corpse from the ground
We’re not sure all these puzzles
Are quite logically sound
As we hunt for a pixel
Use everything in sight
Tweet out to @GrumpyGamer
Hope that he’ll set us right
Cause we’ll never use a guide for a clue

No we’ll never use a guide for a clue

More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“I’m Not Okay”
Posted at 20:16 on 14th October 2017 - permalink

My latest contribution to the Marioke video game karaoke canon – first performed by James Scott and myself 13/10/2017.

This is something of a tribute song to Digital Foundry. DF get a lot of stick from some people who see them as joyless and pedantic, but it’s hard to deny that we’ve benefited from games being put under more (legitimate) technical scrutiny. It wasn’t that long ago that reviews didn’t make any distinction between platform versions and console makers could expect their technobabble to be taken at face value.

“I’m Not 4K”
– after “I’m Not Okay” by My Chemical Romance

Well if you want Ultra HD, please try another game
I know that I have let you down, I haven’t got more pixels in each frame
My video output
The framerate graphs that DF took
Regretting that you were mistook my resolution isn’t more

I’m not 4K
I’m not 4K
I’m not 4K
At TV Out

When they zoomed in to show you all my jagged vertex seams (I’m not 4K)
Denied it time and time again
– but couldn’t fool the bloke from Mean Machines
The review quotes you put
“The graphic style is off the hook”
My GPU begins to cook, is this realtime?
Take a good hard look

I’m not 4K
I’m not 4K
I’m not 4K
At TV Out


Forget about my last gen looks
Performance graphs and benchmark hooks
But if you’ll take another look, my renderer’s had an upgrade

I’m 4K
I’m 4K
I’m 4K, now
(I’m 4K, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I’m telling you the truth
I mean this
I’m 4K (trust me)

I’m not 4K
I’m not 4K
Well, I’m not 4K
I’m not 4-fucking-K
I’m not 4K
I’m not 4K (4K)

More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , ,

Sega Forever
Posted at 21:48 on 1st October 2017 - permalink

A few months ago, Sega formally launched their “Amazing Sega” initiative in Japan, a company-wide effort to make better use of their massive back catalogue and heritage.

Sega of America’s contribution to this has been “Sega Forever”, a plan to bring Sega’s back catalogue re-releases under one unified brand, encompassing games made for any of Sega’s platforms, to be presented with a consistent feature set across all target platforms (although they’re limiting releases to iOS and Android for now, other digital stores are expected to fall under this banner in time).

Sega have previously done justice to segments of their back catalogue (the Sega Ages series on PS2, the 3D Classics series on 3DS, and Christian Whitehead’s ongoing work on 2D Sonic games culminating in the recent smash success of Sonic Mania), but the scope of these efforts has always been limited and local.

In theory Sega Forever is a really great idea. It gives Sega a way to make lots of their old games available legally, and to market them as something relevant to new audiences as well as people who remember them fondly from the last four decades. So it’s frustrating to see that, so far at least, they seem to be fumbling the execution quite badly.

The core problem with Sega Forever is a lack of conviction. It’s long been assumed that their old games have little value or relevance today beyond brand recognition, so any proposal that would have involved more than doing the bare minimum to exploit this brand value would have been a tough sell.

There seems to be a company dogma at Sega of America that the reason for their success in the 1990s was down to their marketing genius alone, with the quality or otherwise of the games being of little consequence. Any reference they make to their old games is accompanied by ‘ironic’ callbacks to their awful tone-deaf 1990s advertising. They’re gaming’s Peter Kaye. This trend reached its nadir with the meme-obsessed Sonic The Hedgehog Twitter account, which (one assumes) might refrain from pissing all over Yuji Naka’s legacy for a bit now that Sonic Mania has turned out to be actually good.

These misplaced priorities have affected Sega Forever in two major ways:

1. Their Mega Drive emulator is junk. The details of why have been covered at length elsewhere, but in a nutshell, they cheaped out because they believed that enough people would pay on the strength of nostalgia even if the product was substandard.

Contrary to recent press coverage, subsequent updates haven’t made the emulator “good enough”. All but the least technically demanding games run at sludgy framerates with inaccurate audio. Sega have tried to dodge the issue by blaming “device fragmentation“, which is nonsense. The emulator runs poorly on Apple and Samsung’s flagship devices that millions of people own. In fact it performs worse than the emulator they offered years ago when they first they started re-released Mega Drive games on iOS, when the hardware was orders of magnitude less powerful than today.

I think their best course of action would be to bite the bullet and license a decent emulator before it creates too much of a negative perception for the brand.

2. Their selection of titles is either being massively constrained by external factors or is just plain lazy. They keep teasing arcade games which then turn out to be the Mega Drive ports (because again, brand recognition is all that matters). If that wasn’t cheesy enough, they’ve also repackaged pre-existing iOS games (new, mobile-centric games using old IP, e.g. Virtua Tennis) which is a bit like subbing in the Tim Burton Wonka film for the Gene Wilder one in a retrospective of the latter’s work and hoping nobody notices.

Compare this to how Nintendo manage their re-releases. While the question “which of our game titles do people still remember?” was obviously asked, that wasn’t the end of the conversation. Nintendo have worked out deals with third parties, tidied up contemporary bugs and wonky translations, and even released games for the first time outside of specific territories (or in the case of StarFox 2, for the first time anywhere) to maximise the value of what they’re offering. Some games that are still well known seem to have been quietly retired by Nintendo because they’ve aged too badly.

Sega have just gone straight to the list of games that they know they own outright (e.g. Kid Chameleon, Comix Zone, Altered Beast) and market-tested brand names (Sonic, Golden Axe, Space Harrier, Phantasy Star, and again, crappy old Altered Beast) and chucked in the first things they found.

I understand that there are probably people involved in this project who are as frustrated about all this as I am. They’ve probably not set out to do a bad job, but have had to contend with a perception that this kind of project has limited commercial prospects and has been resourced accordingly. All I can urge them to do is to argue their case harder!

Sega Forever has a ton of potential to go beyond just milking a few pennies out of a handful of old Mega Drive ROMs.

Sega’s back catalogue is an Aladdin’s cave of treasures spread over a plethora of platforms, genres and target audiences. It may not be easy to untangle, but it would absolutely be worth the effort.

Starting with the most obvious thing they could be offering: direct coin-op ports. Letting mobile players watch video ads for credits seems like a no brainer, and using motion controls (or other non-standard methods) to replicate the controls of their custom arcade cabinets could work well.

They could be finding a way to offer the really strong second-party games from the Mega Drive era, the real meat of that platform’s library: Treasure, Sonic, Tecnosoft, Compile, WestOne, Novotrade, etc. A lot of these games made it to Virtual Console and other re-release compilations, so figuring out licensing must be at least possible.

They could be exploring specific periods of their history: the weird licensed games from the early days of the Mega Drive, the evolution of 3D arcade hardware, the Saturn/Dreamcast franchises that didn’t make the jump to subsequent generations. Coin-ops and home consoles aside, there are hundreds of Sega games for handhelds (from the Game Gear through to the 3DS) that have only ever been released on their original platforms.

And why not offer complete collections of platform-spanning franchises (Wonder Boy, Fantasy Zone, Shining Force, OutRun, Sakura Wars, Phantasy Star, Alex Kidd, Shinobi, etc. etc.)?

They could go down the multimedia route, and make video documentaries explaining the context of how some of their key games came about and the influence they had on later creators. Most of the key people are still around and (you’d hope) still have enough good will toward Sega to agree to get involved.

In terms of infrastructure, if they can make something that works for their own back catalogue, they could probably license it to other publishers/rights holders sitting on piles of old third party console games.

These are just some of the most obvious things that Sega could be doing to make better use of their IP hoard. I hope they’ll continue to expand and improve upon Sega Forever, but in the meantime there’s no shortage of indie studios stepping in to cater for the underserved demand with games like Racing Apex, Raging Justice and Wonder Boy: The Dragon’s Trap.

Tags: , , ,

“Where The Streets Have No Name”
Posted at 16:54 on 17th September 2017 - permalink

My latest contribution to the Marioke video game karaoke canon – first performed 15/09/2017.

My self-imposed writing brief this month was to find songs by artists that have so far been absent from the Marioke songlist, and to favour the stupidest jokes possible.

“Where The Streets Are Of Rage”
– after “Where The Streets Have No Name” by U2

I want to punch
I want to slide
I want to throw down and brawl
And keep walking right
The cops’ll help out
Just once per stage
Where the streets are of rage

Ah ah ah yeah

I wanna kick
Bikers in the face
I’ll put Donovan and Galsia
Back in their place
We’ll beat up a wrestler*
In the pouring rain
Where the streets are of rage


Where the streets are of rage
Where the streets are of rage
We’re still stinging from your Grand Upper
Your Grand Upper
And when I go there
I go there with you
As your Player 2

The city’s corrupt
The streets filled with punks
We’ll beat them with blows to the chin
And knees to the junk
Eat chickens from bins
Roasted and stuffed with sage
Where the streets are of rage

Ah huh

Where the streets are of rage
Where the streets are of rage
We’re still stinging from your Grand Upper
Your Grand Upper
Yuzo Koshiro
Has wrote us some tunes
All of the tunes

The streets filled with punks

We’ll beat them with blows to the chin
Blows to the chin

Oh yes you know
See the streets filled with punks

I will beat them with blows to the chin
Blows to the chin

Oh when I go there
I go there with you
It’s Bare Knuckle 2

*Yes I know it’s actually a barman that you fight in the rain in SoR2, but wrestler fits the line better.

More Marioke songs

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,


older entries »

↑ back to top ↑