My most recent contribution to the Maraoke video game karaoke songlist – first performed (by Ste Curran, James Scott and myself) 02/05/2025.
It was supposed to be about boasting about being good at multiplayer FPS games (focusing on the Q3A era) with the posse cut format being used to represent different players joining a server, but then somehow morphs into a potted career bio of John Romero partway through.
This is a song that not many people know/remember, that doesn’t have an easily available instrumental backing track, and involves five quite long and structurally unique verses some of which were almost too fast to transcribe into the system let alone perform. It’s pretty much the definition of a ‘high risk’ Maraoke song. It was completely worth it though – the energy level carried the audience along on the night.
“Third Quake (No One Dies Alone Remix)”
– after “Earthquake (All Stars Remix)” by Labrinth (feat. Tinie Tempah, Kano, Wretch 32 & Busta Rhymes)
Labrinth, come in
Ladies and Gentlemen:
Gathered before you are five of the finest wordsmiths known to mankind.
What you are about to witness is no illusion.
Tinie Tempah, come in
A hundred thousand people everybody deathmatching
I make the most of every weapon when the drops happen
So overclock with me, everybody logging out
I rocket jump till there’s a HOLE in the fucking ground
Quake 3 Arena, leaderboard, a permanent fixture
All I take are shots (shots shots)
I don’t use no scope or no scripts yeah
I drop all my foes like a Witcher, and I spam grenades constantly
To LANs I’m def’nitly coming if it’s B.Y.O.C.
It’s like five hundred PCs at Insomnia every August
See half the nerds on your server they probably been on my gauntlet
Go back to PUBG
Where my Monster Energy with caffeine in?
And a BFG – got some g-g-g-gibs happening
Kano, come in
You’re getting pwned till the frag limit
Who put these jokers in my map rotation?
Back like boomer shooters, OGing it
But you might see me out on Deva Station
Once I was on dialup, now on fibre cable
So much scores, call this an annihiliation
Fans inside my case cuz I can’t get complacent
To be play’ble I can’t even let a single frame drop
Quake Guy’s not called Ranger, that’s retconned appellation
Got Twitch and kept dying when we started Quaking
“Design is Law” but not the brother of Mister Data
And this ain’t Quake 4 but tell my brothers I’m planning to Kane ’em
(“Finish Him!”)
Played the original GabeN?
Fuck with PC but never Playstation
Rockets go whoomph, make a man blazing
Capture that flag, gimme gimme that nailgun
GoldenEye, what? I’m double-oh Agent
And the gyal dem call me Oddjob
Cos my hitbox pure frustrating
I’m elite
Romero, come in
Been making maps, I started out with Dang’rous Dave, hey
They’re calling me the Doom Slayer
I always get called up when people need a tech base
I make ’em user friendly like Mac’s interface
So raise the Sewer Count again
Pure maze full of death traps, like a thousand, then
Put some secret fiends in the map, telefraggin ’em
John Romero hopes that you are well, Sandy pack it in
Pack it in, pack it in, didn’t design the packaging,
Or invent the Bruiser Brothers, so stop your imagining
Labels throwing out Doom clones, why put ’em on your shopping list?
96% in PCZONE, you ain’t topping it
id said I disappeared
I just went and played some Chrono Trigger, made plans for another gig
Now everybody’s scared
Cause the money that I’ll spend on Tom Hall and also one guy from Origin
Be afraid, be afraid, Warren Spector
Little ‘Mack’s making third Quake with American
Carmack’s no designer but they call him the creator
When he made dynamic lights how many cards did he break, huh?
Yeah I’m costing Eidos much
Got some sidekicks who look like their AI is bust
Even swapped the engine once to refine this flop
Got some flaws inside the game, that’s right it’s botched now
Levels levels, I’m making levels for Sigil,
I make a sequel called Sigil 2, I’m “Go Hard” John
I’m the icon, better games than Marathon
But you better watch Bungie when their Spartan’s born:
Halo
Fragging since the first Quake up in here
Say yeah
Fragging since the first Quake up in here
Cuz there’s no bots on it, no bots on it
Next map with me, say ‘haxx’ with me
Hey yeah (Oh my God)
Fragging since the first Quake, up in here
Busta, come in
(Ay!)
BSP Labyrinths, coming to a WAD near you
Like ya ’bout to get ya ass kicked (Oh!)
Try to front, little newbie I dare you (Come on)
When this type of banger logs on for the dub nobody wanna hear you
Then a Shambler step up in the place, like I’m comin’ in to kill you
Bang ’em nerds, Quake
Every time I camp on the quad and I won’t stop
Then I hit ‘em and I get ‘em all again
Gotta shut ’em down, e’rybody knows that I bunny hop
Yes yes yes, OK:
Now we’re in a BUILD game, do what I say
Jump around, hands in the air
And I’m gonna stomp on ya cuz I got a shrink ray
And let us get it poppin’ and then we turn it up a little
Cuz you know we gotta do it and we doin it well
I’m about to explode, heat it up a little more,
Beat it up a little more, boy you can’t tell
T-Trust me homie, do not walk into my grapple
Just respect my handle while we bang and make your death rattle, GO!
Yeah!
I just clicked the third Quake up in here
Say yeah
I just clicked the third Quake up in here
Cuz there’s voice comms on it, voice comms on it
Talk trash on it, get cross for me
Hey yeah
We can play the third Quake up in here
(So here we go we go we-)
Carmack, come in
Tags: american mcgee, build engine, bungie, busta rhymes, chrono trigger, civvie11, daikatana, dangerous dave, design is law, eidos, gabe newell, goldeneye 007, halo, Id Software, insomnia, ion storm, john carmack, john romero, kano, karaoke, labrinth, maraoke, marathon, PC, pc games, pczone, player unknown battlegrounds, quake 4, quake II arena, rare, sandy petersen, sigil, sigil 2, tinie tempah, tom hall, warren spector, wretch 32
