The second of two new songs contributed this month to the Maraoke video game karaoke songlist – first performed 19/11/2022 by Robert Wells.
It’s about the Sega Saturn.
“No-One Bought A Saturn”
– after “Nothing Ever Happens” by Del Amitri
GameStation staff put up signs saying previously owned
And stack the shelves with Fighting Vipers and Densha de Go
And consoles go back into crates
To be stripped down for parts or resold
And Virtual On doesn’t warrant a blink
The reception’s as cold as gazpacho
And they won’t be sold here tonight
Or sold here tomorrow
Gentlemen time please, you heard what he said, Peter Moore
We’re giving this console the chop ’cause its sales were so poor
Now your platform’s a House of the Dead
They say your hedgehog was a fad
And ignorant people need to play Gex
While they don’t buy Nights though you’re Sonic’s dad
And no-one bought a Saturn
Not one Saturn at all
The Dreamcast was seen as a return to form
but the writing was long on the wall
And we’ll all play Sony tonight
And Sony tomorrow
Ten-player Bomberman’s slick but there’s no-one to share
We put out Panzer Dragoon Saga still nobody cares
Sega must’ve thought “hey we’re in with a shot, we can port Daytona USA”
But the only thing people remember you for
is the high cost of Snatcher (eBayed)
And no-one bought a Saturn
Not one Saturn at all
The Dreamcast was seen as a return to form
but the writing was long on the wall
And we’ll all play Sony tonight
And Sony tomorrow
A PlayStation spokesman is standing on stage at E3
While Edge through to Gamesmaster write endless praise
about how it does ‘proper’ 3D
Now Computer Exchanges price up your games
like they’re rare as the Shroud of Turin
While the snotty-nosed kids take one look at Last Bronx
then go back to Xbox Elden Ring
And no-one bought a Saturn
Not one Saturn at all
The Dreamcast was seen as a return to form
but the writing was long on the wall
And no-one bought a Saturn
Not one Saturn at all
Cause Radiant Silvergun wasn’t enough to beat Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4
And we’ll all play Sony tonight
And Sony tomorrow
Tags: CeX, Daytona USA, Del Amitri, densha de go!, Dreamcast, e3, Edge, Elden Ring, fighting vipers, GamesMaster, Gex, Hudson Soft, karaoke, Konami, Last Bronx, maraoke, marioke, Nights into Dreams, Nothing Ever Happens, Panzer Dragoon Saga, peter moore, playstation, Radiant Silvergun, Saturn Bomberman, sega, sega saturn, Snatcher, sonic the hedgehog, sony, The House of the Dead, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4, treasure, virtual on, Yuji Naka
